Sunday, July 30, 2017

Life in your hands

When Life comes bearing
unexpected gifts, take it.
It took a while but as promised,
you will do marvelous.
And suddenly after the wait
and the toil, the world is opening
its arms wide open for you.
You are not to take it
for granted, you are taking
back your life in your hands.
Your time has come.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Look how you are breaking my heart

Look how you are
breaking my heart,
Look how you have got me
all muddled up inside.
And what coincidence to have
"Lovers in Paris" start
playing from my playlist;
a sign from the universe
to let you go or to keep you?
I have to give it to you
for doing it in the most
delicious way.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

What is a girl to do?

A sickness pervades my being,
I can feel your absence spreading
through my blood, slowly, pain-
stakingly meandering its way
to my heart, even the air that I
breathe hangs heavy and contorted,
suspended in its wake because
you are not around, this sickness
wounds its way to my wrist which
you last held, your touch is
imprinted in my bones.
I can trace the onset of this illness
from my lips which you last kissed,
its aftertaste still strong in my mouth.
My heart is full of you,
what is a girl to do?

Look how we have disassembled each other

I don't want to love you
if I can't be with you.
It's as simple and complicated
as that, because I don't want to
carry this ache around with me;
this irrational illogical desire
for you, I don't want you
just as forbidden fruit,
I want you accessible, real.
You say you love me,
and I am in love with you
but is that the same thing?
But to say it would be
sending it out to the universe,
to say it would be making
a promise and I don't want to
make promises I can't keep.
How did we get here, you and I,
so soon so fast, would it last?
Look how we have utterly
disassembled each other.

Monday, July 17, 2017

Look what you have done.

How did we get here,
you and I?
You, with your infectious laughter,
carrying an air of being at home
anywhere in the world.
And I, who smiled for the first
time when we met after
 a year of sulking around.
You, with your terrible jokes
that make my stomach ache,
the easiness with which you
hold my attention, my hand, my mouth
And I, with my acute awkwardness
at anything to do with feelings,
and my obsessive desire to kiss you,
as persistant as a toothache.
So there I was
being perfectly miserable but now
you have changed everything.
Because here I am,
missing you and longing for you;
not even a bearable once-in-a-while
thing, but this awful reminder
of your absence, like a sickness.
Look what you have done.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

A thing of wonder

It feels strange to be so utterly
happy and contended when I am
with you, as though the world has
been set right somehow, stranger still
because we both know it isn't so, not
in this place we call home shimmering
with discontent and misgivings.
But I forget that when I am with you,
I can only think of your hands
holding mine and how it falls
perfectly into place, and that I want
to kiss you everytime I look at you,
sometimes I don't even care if
people are looking or judging.
When I am with you, I could
sit for hours and we don't even have
to be talking and I would still
be smiling to myself counting the
black dots on your hands, and suddenly
the most mundane matters of existence
would become a thing of wonder.


Friday, July 7, 2017

When life tells you it is time.

You were greedy and you wanted
all of it, all at once;
In the height of your giddy youth
you forgot the element of struggle,
Your foolish heart thought
it would be satiated with
just your ability to dream it up,
you thought life would just knock
at your door and introduce itself,
now you know better,
now you know the life you want
takes time, it doesn't call you back
in the first instance, it makes you  wait,
it makes you despair, it breaks your
swollen heart a few times, it makes
promises it can't keep, it wears you down
But imagine this- you wake up
one early winter morning, life
brings you newspaper and a cup
of chai, life gives you a long long kiss
and tells you it is time.

Is this the life you wanted?

Always this reticent heart
trying to retreat into itself,
Always this doubt when it comes
to loving, being loved.
Life is happening too fast,
too soon, how do you get a
grip on it? You are accustomed
to life moving slowly, all you
wanted was to write and have
a house by the sea; but what 
I have now holding in the palm
of my hands, this terrible beauty
you and I, this bewildering
 transition in my life and 
here I am asking myself-
Is this the life you wanted?

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Light- headedness

You are getting to me, I can tell
 because I can barely stop thinking 
about kissing you, barely contain
this light-headedness I feel around 
you, and I am thinking when
 will I get to see you next, 
and I am thinking even though
 I burnt my tongue drinking coffee
 due to sheer giddiness the last time
I was with you, it is as though 
I am back to being a sixteen 
year old and this is happening
for the first time.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Semiotics

Our goodbyes aren't punctuated
 by hugs, but with an awkward 
detachment hanging midair;
You, with caution,
I, with propriety in mind.
because the air between us feels
so tense that I am conscious
of even the slightest of movements.
I laughed so much last night
when you mentioned that
I might be averse to hugs
because you don't know the half of it
and I am not sure I am willing 
to tell you; and if I sent you a poem
would it confuse you further?