I dreamt I had a nosebleed last night
It reminded me of all the years I grew up waiting for it to stop            
Weak, vulnerable, betrayed by my own body
I sometimes see you walk by in half formed dreams
You don't know me anymore
But you still make me cry            
Even on my birthday just when I thought I had passed 32 days of not crying when I think of you
I lie awake at 1 wondering what you must be up to
I wonder if you still stay up all night watching movies
Anyway I am wiping my tears now
I don't want to be sad anymore
I guess I am probably saying this more
To myself than to you
How can I ever thank you enough
For all the warmest memories you have given me
Each one a gift to pick up for
Each passing birthday
I wish to talk to you one day
But not now, not yet
I am not strong enough
Thank you for the birthday wishes
It meant the world to me.